Author Archives: aktivatealaska

Today I made the calls. I made the calls to all the people I needed to notify, and also to my people.  It’s hard making the calls because it makes it real. It’s hard telling your people because you have to hear their sadness and sympathy and their grieving…because you have cancer. So I sit there, take a deep breath and tell them. Tell them the words that change my life forever.

I stop to brace myself to hear and see and feel their reactions, absorbing their fears and sadness; giving words of comfort as they process, and hear that silent sigh of relief that it isn’t them, it is me. I help them get a grip on their grief so that they can then tell me they support me, and I am strong enough to make it. Everyone keeps saying I am strong, but it isn’t about being strong when you simply don’t have a choice. My mom says I’m strong as an ox so I will be fine.  She also says that eating grapefruit through pregnancy will make your kids smarter… and she didn’t eat it with me so…

I tell my employers. Their responses are great and they have my back. They encourage me to take as much time off as you need, reiterating that I can return to work when I am on the mend. The irony is that I don’t want to be taking any time off, and I feel fine.  I feel better than fine actually, and I can’t imagine even being that sick. I don’t even know what being that sick means. I’m frustrated and scared because there must be a reason everyone gives you the look. That look. The one of pity that you are about to embark on that which others have only imaginably dread. It’s hard to get your head around the fact that you have fought your entire life to be healthy and now you get to fight your body and make it terribly sick so you can live.

Self Exams-Once a Month

Self exams are an important monthly way to get to know your body better and to recognize any changes. Check out https://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/breast-self-exam for how to check for lumps.

Mammograms

Mammograms are x-ray images taken of the breast that can detect breast changes such as calcifications or masses within the tissue of the breast. I had my first mammogram at 40. That’s the special age when everything starts falling apart and you might start to wonder if you are now considered “old”. It’s also a great time to get baseline imaging.

You basically get your boobs arranged and squished between two plastic plates. You hold your breath whilst the technician (usually an amazingly kind soul who is totally compassionate and gets the fact that you are pretty uncomfortable about exposing yourself and getting squished) goes back to the computer to take the images and record the data.

The radiologist reads the images and determines if the technician needs to take more images. Based on the findings they then determine if further actions are needed. If so, you get to take the trip to the special room.

Screening Cost Help in Alaska

The Breast Cancer Detection Center https://bcdcofalaska.org/

Ladies First https://dhss.alaska.gov/dph/wcfh/Pages/ladiesfirst/default.aspx

As I look down at my chest I can’t help but think that my boobs betrayed me. Flippin’ traitors, these two.

Firstly, I have small boobs. While this caused me much angst in my youth, I eventually learned to live with it. I convinced myself that while it was hard to fit clothes properly, at least I don’t have back problems and could play sports without a bother. I developed this misconstrued understanding as well (when pondering the prolific abundance of others) that at least I didn’t have to worry about getting breast cancer, since I barely had any boobs.

I also spent over 5 years of my life breastfeeding. I had always heard that the longer you breastfeed the less likely your cancer risk. Less likely, but still a possibility. So not only did they deflate, but they beat the odds too.

Speaking of beating the odds, I not only have cancer in one breast, but two. Of the less that 10% of women who develop breast cancer, less than 1% of those have cancer in both breasts, at the same time. Not sure how many of them have two different types of cancer too. Looks like I won double jeopardy with this one!

Lowering the Risks

Research gives you information about how to lower your risk of developing breast cancer but unfortunately it is all about probability. One in 8 women are diagnosed with breast cancer in the US. Lowered risk means less likely odds, but the possibility will always remain.

Check out info on how to reduce your risk:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/womens-health/in-depth/breast-cancer-prevention/art-20044676

Breast Cancer Myths

You won’t get breast cancer if:

Myth: I caused this

It’s hard not to wonder if I did something to cause this. Was it the aluminum in my deodorant? Parabens in my personal care? Was it moving back to AK and living off grid? Is there something in my well water, or was it from changing the oil or accidentally sniffing the gas or exhaust from the generator? Did I smoke us out of the house one too many times when trying to start the wood stove and did that mess with my body? (In this case I figured it’d be my lungs.).

Fact is that we don’t know. No one knows. And it is not my fault. Even if you do everything to lower the risks, it is only a process of lowering the risk. Nothing guarantees that you won’t get it. You can’t take a magic pill or drink a magic potion or follow some guidelines not to get it. Unfortunately, some people just win the lottery of suck, and some don’t.